the idea that anything can be okay as long as its a joke is provably false because i am a joke and i am not okay

same  intro post  


Utena fandom… grab your swords… Sailor Moon fandom… grab your transformy sticks… NGE fandom… grab your shattered relationship with your father




Labor Day 2014
In Ferguson
Credit to the young man that I listed above.

Labor Day in Ferguson.




this website SAVED MY BRAIN when i was a stressed out college student who couldn’t stop flipping out long enough to prioritize. quite a few of you are still suffering through college so i hope this helps you too!! c:

This reminds me of when an acquaintance who was way better at math than me stopped my emotional breakdown before the physics final in its tracks by telling me all I had to do was get eight questions right and I would get the final grade I wanted.

We need people and websites like this.


Face it, black people. Michael Brown let you down. — Culture Club — Medium


"But, even if we did get our Jesus — even if Michael Brown were that impossibly perfect martyr, even if we had that mythical savior black boy — it probably wouldn’t have helped.

After all, Jesus died an awful long time ago, and things didn’t quite pick up for us. Those who say they love him most do not love us, their neighbors. They reject and fear us. Somewhere, in between the Bible, the politics, and the sermons, the message has been lost.”

"We now have all sorts of reasons to make us doubt Brown’s humanity. He may have stolen some cigarillos. He may have been facing the officer when he was shot. He got shot in the top of the head, which might mean that he was surrendering, or might mean he was being defiant. He made amateur rap songs. Perhaps worst of all, he’s been caught grimacing at a camera making a contorted peace sign, and it turns out that he was pretty tall."








there is nothing to be fucking “glad” about in all of this

There is actually something to be glad about: That it came out, that it was brought up in public and that Cat wasn’t able to dismiss it like she tried to and that she won’t likely have the community control she used to get close to trans teens ever again. She could’ve very well managed to keep us quiet forever.

I’m glad about this for that reason and because I have some faint hope of this changing toxic dynamics in communities I enjoy and may need but have felt increasingly unable to relate to or participate in

I am also glad to be vindicated in my belief that someone’s suffering and demographics do not automatically make anything they say correct or entitle them to dominate all public discussion of an issue. Myc wielded her own victimization against other people. it is a very common aspect of our culture, and it is a difficult one to respond to with integrity without guilt and second-guessing. that’s part of why it works on people. I am relieved to understand that I was right to insist on believing arguments only if they make sense and seem right to me, rather than if someone seems really upset and hurt that I dare question them.

yeah all this. “glad” as a shorthand for relief and vindication is exactly what i’m feeling right now

im extremely and literally glad that a predatory sexual abuser was outed to the social network full of vulnerable people she preyed upon so I dont see what exactly there isnt to be glad about

as the person who this Entire Thing is about i don’t really feel like i have much to be glad about. i did this in a situation where i felt like i was forced to; where i was confronted with a lot of lies about my life and felt the need to defend myself. i was ready to make amends with cat and make things okay and i wanted so bad for that to be possible. please stop celebrating this because that isn’t what i want. this is so far away from what i wanted to happen from all of this, unrelated cis people celebrating the Death Of The Big Bad Cat. this is a personal thing and now that people are aware of her behaviour i know she won’t be able to do this again. i’m glad that tumblr is a little bit safer (at least our specific area) but i’d really appreciate it if y’all didn’t turn this into some. political thing. some “Wow I Guess You Can’t Trust Anyone!” thing. this is my problem and i don’t like the way people are talking about it



So apparently a lot of serial transmisogynists are slandering Laverne Cox for supporting Synthia China Blast, an incarcerated trans woman who has been working with the Sylvia Rivera Law Project on initiatives to end prison rape. Given that the people who have been spreading this shit have been routinely misgendering both Laverne Cox and Synthia China Blast and have been spreading blatant misinformation about Synthia that should be raising plenty of alarm bells for people but evidently given an incarcerated trans woman of color the benefit of the doubt and investigating her background is a lot more difficult than spreading commentators who consistently call trans women “male.”

(TW for rape, murder, death, transmisogyny, racism, pedophilia/csa and a whole bunch of other stuff).

This New York magazine article (tw: for rape, murder, death, sexual content, drug mention, t-slur, pedophilia/csa, etc. in the article) is a feature on Synthia China Blast and her husband Eddie Seda, whom she met in prison. Page 4 covers the background behind Synthia’s incarceration. To quote from the article (emphasis mine):

Synthia says she started to dress in “drags” on the sly and spent her time at Escuelita, a Manhattan gay club she’d discovered. Then, in August 1993, she says someone from the gang paged her and told her to report immediately: “I had to take off my makeup, pick up my van, and go clean up an apartment in the Bronx.” In her haste, she left her skirt on.

But when her mother heard that the police were looking for her, she persuaded Synthia to turn herself in.

During the trial, witnesses testified that Synthia and Carlos Franco, another Latin King member, committed the murder. They also claimed that Synthia had raped the girl, until one person let it slip that she had been wearing a skirt that night.They had to switch their story in the trial because how do you tell the jury that he had on a dress and then he was raping a girl?” Synthia says. “I’ve never had sex with a female in my life.”

Like, look at the situation: the witness who testified against her changed their story mid-trial. As such Synthia was never convicted of rape. I repeat, Synthia was never convicted of rape and the person who alleged that she had committed rape changed their story mid trial. Yet people are repeating the blatant lie that Synthia China Blast is a pedophiliac, necrophiliac rapist in an effort to defame her and Laverne Cox. Synthia was seen wearing a skirt by the alleged witness, how is it not completely obvious that the allegations of rape (which, again, vanished mid-trial) were an attempt to leverage transmisogyny to punish this woman as fully as possible? This is exactly the same trick of cisheteropatriarchal ideology used to paint cis queer people as perverse, hypersexed, dangerous murderers. Patriarchy takes the violence committed by men and projects it on to women, particularly lesbians and trans women. The fact that people will notice that the “violent lesbian” trope is lesbophobic but will ignore the fact that the same sleight of hand is being performed with the “violent trans woman” trope just evinces how deeply engrained transmisogyny is. And this is intensely magnified by white supremacy and the fact that both Synthia China Blast and the woman advocating for her are women of color. When you consider that the State loves to throw people of color into jail on trumped up charges, it may occur to you that Synthia is innocent of the murder of which she was convicted, as she has said! She is a woman who has been abused and incarcerated because of institutional racism and transmisogyny.

The reason feminism has always placed such an emphasis on believing accusations of rape and sexual assault is because rape culture systemically silences women who are raped by men. The reason women can be silenced like this is because of the structural power imbalance between men and women and men’s misogynistic oppression of women. In these instances, feminism says to listen to the person who suffers from oppression and cannot leverage structural power against he whom she accuses. Believing the lies about Synthia China Blast is not a fulfillment of this feminist tenant, it is an abuse of it. Synthia China Blast and Lavern Cox are trans women of color. The TWEFs running character assassination here are largely cis white people. TWOC are structurally oppressed by transmisogyny/cissexism and white supremacy/racism, both of which cis white people structurally benefit from. So when you believe and spread some sensationalist shit about Synthia China Blast being a murderous necrophiliac rapist and Laverne Cox being pro-rape culture you are perpetuating and enacting transmisogyny, racism, transmisogynoir, white supremacy and cissexism. When someone with structural privilege is leveraging rape accusations against a racialized trans woman like this, that is an act of violence predicated on the fact that in white supremacist, patriarchal fantasy trans women of color are already always guilty of being perverse and violent. That is transmisogyny and white supremacy in action.

A function of patriarchy is that it places the violence of men on trans women, and then uses the illusion of “violent trans women” to justify the violence against trans women. A function of white supremacy is that it places the violence of white people on to people of color, and then uses the illusion of the “violent POC” to justify violence against POC. These ideological functions compact and intensify in the case of trans women of color, so before you go spreading shit about a twoc who was raped at least twice in prison (tw: rape in that link obviously) and who has been placed in isolation “for her safety” to the detriment of her mental and physical health for a decade (this link contains a petition you can sign to help trans prisoners fyi) maybe consider the way power is operating when a bunch of white cis transmisogynists who insist on misgendering the victims of their bilious ire spread a lot of unfounded, sensational bullshit. They are trying to destroy a woman who is a rape survivor, who is stuck in a men’s prison without access to adequate treatment for her gender dysphoria, and the black woman who was brave enough to advocate for her when no one else would pay her any mind because structural transmisogyny and racism are things. Seriously, if routine transmisogynists are repeating lies and misgendering their targets, maybe it’s not about stoping rape culture, maybe it’s about perpetuating transmisogyny and white supremacy against two women they have immense structural power over.



yo here’s hopefully some help:

A lot of ppl I interact with have said that like, woah this person is bad! She helped influence me figuring out my gender! What do I do!! 

Here’s my suggestion: it’s pretty much whatever the fuck you want to. you are still allowed agency over and the ability to question your gender. chances are, you couldn’t have been fucked with by that person if you weren’t already in a vulnerable person w/r/t your gender to begin with. A lot of forms of manipulation start with salient points of knowledge being twisted off elsewhere along the way. 

if you think you are better off in your current gender than you were six months or a year ago: that’s yours. keep it. you will always own the fuck outta your gender, not some weirdo who wants to groom you or tell you how to think or what to feel.



btw i can confirm a lot of what quinn said, i was involved in the same online community as both quinn and cat and saw a lot of that behavior firsthand. i failed to realize at the time how little cat was consulting quinn when she was making a lot of decisions about quinn’s life, and i failed to intervene when i could have.

i thought cat was doing the right thing by removing herself from this community, but in light of her recent return to tumblr and especially the posts she’s been making tonight it is important to talk openly about these things. i trusted cat a lot more than i should have and i feel really bad about how things turned out.




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i’m going to address this one point at a time and this is the last thing i have to say about this because i am tired of you telling lies and half-truths to paint me as some kind of fucking monster.

1. i never manipulated you. i never did anything. the context of our relationship was originally a friendship; we became friends in about mid-2014 when i was 18 years old. i invited you to a group chat shortly after that consisted of me and a few trans girl friends.

2. the way you told me you liked me was back in january/february you called me on skype dead on your ass drunk while i was going through a suicide crisis and told me that i couldn’t leave you and i couldn’t DO THIS TO YOU because you LOVED me so much. i spent the next 1-2 hours in a call with you trying to calm you down and in the middle of that went and fucking threw up so the pills i took wouldn’t kill me. the context there is you were telling a 19 year old girl who had recently started her transition that you were in love with her and she coudln’t leave you, while you, someone almost ten years older, were fucking drunk on everclear.

3. the relationship became sexual when you started fucking flirting with me. i was never, ever, ever even REMOTELY sexual interested in you because i’m not attracted to you! because i was scared of you! because the way you behaved in group chats was frightening!

4. i fucking resent so hard you turning our sexual relationship into “i was so uncomfortable with fucking this 19 year old” when literally you’re the one who did it. the first time we met we had a fucking threesome within two hours; you asked to cuddle me and then you and your girlfriend started groping me and kissing me and taking my clothes off. that is exactly what fucking happened and i don’t know how the fuck you’re going to dispute that when i could just ask her myself. (not to mention the weird shit you did when you wanted to fuck me! but hey let’s not talk about that since apparently you “remember it differently” and i guess that means it’s unfair of me to bring up how you fucking me reminded me of the time i was raped at 9 years old!)

5. i came to other people because you fucking scared me and i wanted confirmation that i wasn’t being crazy; i wanted confirmation from others that i wasn’t making up everything about you and that i had good reasons to be scared. funnily enough, several of these people thought similar things!! who fucking knew! there’s a fucking REASON when we remade the group chat we DIDN’T INVITE YOU UNTIL YOU MADE A BIG FUCKING FUSS ABOUT IT; WE ARE SCARED OF YOU AND THE WAY YOU TALK AND OPERATE AND HAVE BEEN FOR MONTHS

6. i came up to visit you in portland after you screamed for hours at my friends who were housing me in california and hten ORDERED them to not tell me about it. i found out about it anyway and found out how scared they were of you and the way you told them that i wasn’t allowed to know things! you screamed at them because i spent too much money while in their care and then told them you were moving me to portland all while not telling me!

7. you told me i was “visiting” portland. you didn’t tell me i was moving there. you didn’t tell me i was moving in with you. you didn’t tell me i was going to be the SECOND homeless girl moving into your 2-bedroom apartment for a total of 4 people on no furniture. you told everyone EXCEPT For me, deliberately, because you knew i’d be uncomfortable with it. because i was! after i came up to visit you you kept talking to me about “settling down” and “getting my things set up here” and i was confused! incredibly confused! i didn’t find out you intended for me to fucking move in with you until i was already on the train up to visit talking to friends on skype. i had no fucking clue what was happening because YOU TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO TELL ME; YOU UNDERMINED MY AGENCY AND TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO BE YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND

8. i finally became okay with moving in with you; i had a crush on your spouse, with which you didn’t really have a relationship! you were on the verge of being separated and were staying in seperate rooms. i asked you permission to hang out with her because i felt that would be polite; you gave it, happily. i asked your permission to become intimate with her and you gave it, in much the same fashion. i later found out she asked you if she could be intimate with me, and you approved it. about a week into my stay with you she and i became intimate, you walked in on it, and got extremely upset. at one point we locked the door so you wouldn’t walk in on us and you became physically and verbally violent. i started making plans to leave and you had to fucking walk out and almost drag me back in because you didn’t want me gone. we never fucking asked you to move out or even IMPLIED it. i started sleeping in sam’s room because your violence and anger made me uncomfortable and scared, and you took that as me somehow fucking blacklisting you or intentionally trying to hurt you. we didn’t fucking force you to move out; you went to seattle to hang out with your girlfriend and while over there messaged us over skype letting us know that you were getting a divorce and moving out. we didn’t do SHIT in that department, that was entirely. fucking. you.

9. i literally never claimed anyone was a teenager other than myself idk where the fuck this is coming from but hey! your targets of abuse and manipulation just so happen to be young trans kids in their late teens/early 20s so What Do I Know

10. oh boy. the greatest cover up ever; lie and then say “i’m going to get accused of lying”, how completely fucking undone and how unheard of as a tactic of abuse!

you moved me into your house under false pretenses, treated me with violence and subjected me to a stressful and disgusting home environment, and then fucking moved out when you got mad at me friendzoning you. that’s what fucking happened you absolute child






sayin gay when you mean bi is bi erasure and is Fucked Up but saying biness has nothing to do with gayness is a little

i don’t believe that monosexual privilege is a thing, no. i really, really don’t want to come off as sarcastic or cruel about that, because i know the tremendous amount of pain that drives the concept, the feelings of isolation and insecurity and never real belonging, and i’m genuinely /so/ sorry if i came across that way.

i think biphobia and horizontal violence are horrible and badly in need of addressing by the community at large, i just don’t buy that they amount to material exploitation and a privileged class of monosexuals. i am not claiming that lesbians (bc every time i see this conversation it comes down to lesbians vs bi women) cannot or do not harm bi people—hell, even bi men—in really profound and important ways because that would be myopic and ridiculous and deny reality. what i am saying is that i don’t think lesbians have structural privilege as a result of excluding men from their potential romantic partners, or simply identifying as a lesbian as opposed to bi/pan/etc. i don’t think lesbians control institutions that oppress bi people for being bi. do they often have social capital in our communities that bi people do not and utilize that in incredibly damaging, biphobic ways? absolutely. do they also, just like bi people, frequently face demands to be constantly sexually available, invalidation of their sexuality, accusations of not being queer enough and general hostility from within queer communities? absolutely.

i know non-binary kids who id as lesbians because of their gender politics—where do they lie in terms of monosexual privilege?

You are failing to grasp what privilege is on a fundamental level.

First, in that you’re conflating the state of being privileged with the act of oppressing.

Privilege does not mean that you are actively oppressing people. It only means that you exist in a system that is less oppressive to you than it is to others, because of a particular quality you possess. 

Second, in that you are treating privilege as if it is all or nothing.

There are degrees of privilege. I can be privileged for being a lighter skinned brown person (compared to darker skinned people) while simultaneously being oppressed for being non-white. I can be privileged for not experiencing gender dismorphia while simultaneously being oppressed by gender normativity.

Thirdly, you are behaving as though privilege is additive and oppression subtractive.

I can have privilege for being educated, while simultaneously being oppressed for being non-white. I can be privileged for being able bodied, while simultaneously experiencing misogyny and sexism. One privilege does not cancel out an unrelated oppression. If a bisexual cis man holds more sway in the queer community than a non-binary lesbian, his privilege comes from his cisgendered-ness and from his maleness. That does not change the fact that monosexuality is more privileged than bi/pan/poly-sexuality.

Now you mention that there are non-binary kids who identify as lesbian due to gender politics.

Surely it must have occurred to you that rampant biphobia within the queer community created those gender politics.  The vast majority of people who experience attraction, romantic or sexual, to more than one gender, refuse to identify as bisexual. You can’t seriously think that is a coincidence?

Bisexuality is reviled within the queer community. Bisexuality is reviled even among people who experience attraction to multiple genders, because they have internalized the stigma. THAT IS HOW OPPRESSION WORKS. 

Arguing that monosexual privilege isn’t a thing, because non-binary kids identify as lesbians, is like arguing that sexism isn’t a thing, because men get raped too.

Referring to this conflict as “horizontal” and refusing to acknowledge monsexual privilege is straight up gaslighting. 

Oh, and also?

"Sorry if I came across that way" is not a real apology. It’s basically saying "sorry you’re too stupid to understand that I did nothing wrong." You can’t be genuinely sorry about that. That statement is inherently disingenuous.

I identify as bisexual, and I’ve recently been considering also identifying as a lesbian. I do understand the concept of privilege and intersectionality.

I don’t think you’re stupid, I respect you lot, but I don’t think that I am oppressed on the axis of sexuality by anything other than heterosexism as a branch of patriarchy, I don’t think that “binary woman who is only attracted to binary women” is a good definition of “lesbian” (honestly I think it’s impossible and anyone who thinks they meet that definition is probably transphobic) and I don’t think that lesbians materially benefit from my oppression.

I’ve thought about this issue a lot, I’m not saying any of this lightly, and I am sorry that I’ve hurt you, but I really need to disengage from this conversation now because I’m starting to feel like I’m going to have an anxiety attack.